Just When I Thought I Was Fine, My Nicotine Addiction Grabbed Hold Again
Addiction is ugly whether your vice is food, cigarettes, people or alcohol.
Addiction sucks. And if I haven’t experienced it first hand, I would probably have the same reaction many others seem to have when it comes to the disease of addiction. “How can it be a disease when it’s THEIR fault?”
I grew up with close family members crushed by the grasp of various addictions. And if it hadn’t been for the hold it had on my father, he would probably be here today to enjoy his grandchildren. But instead, he died at the age of 46. So, I have known what addiction can do to a person and family from a close up perspective.
But nothing can be any more personal than my very own struggles with some bad habits. I will never give up my own responsibility. I make my choices and I accept the subsequent consequences. But there is no doubt that there are some things which make their way into our lives that can clutch on like the tentacles of an octopus.
Thankfully, my addictions have not been what most would consider serious. I have never been hooked on meth or cocaine or heroin. However, cigarettes and food have been vices which I have had a hard time controlling.
I have smoked on and off since age 16. When I quit, I am quite successful for long periods of time. But during week moments, I have faltered – thinking I will “only have one”. Well, it has become painfully clear that I am simply one of those people that cannot have “just one”…period.
Within the last couple weeks, I started bumming smokes from a couple of friends. I justified it because I wasn’t buying them and only having a couple a day at most. When trapped in addiction, one will make many justifications not only to others, but to themselves. The urge is so strong that these justifications can be easily believed by the person throwing them around like philosophical softballs.
I am ashamed that I – in a matter of weeks – ruined an almost 2 year smoking sabbatical. The last time, I ruined a 5 year stint. I am embarrassed to be admitting this to my readers, friends and family. I was mortified when I saw the look on my daughter’s face when she caught me smoking. And I am anxious about going through this withdraw - yet again.
I want to live a long life. I try to be as healthy as I can be and also instill that in my raising the kids. I know all the harm that will one day – sooner or later – come from smoking. I have no excuses and those aforementioned justifications are just not as easy to buy as they once were.
After just a handful of cigarettes I can already feel the discomfort of withdraw. I can only imagine what it is like to stop drinking, snorting or whatever major vice one may be trying to battle. I can only imagine the games their minds must play on their rational selves. I can only imagine the physical agony.
Addictions can come in many forms – from substances to food to people – our minds can crave to the point of uncontrollable proportions. And some dependencies are easier to overcome than others. In addition, each person handles aspects of the disease differently.
With addiction comes many crippling emotions and actions such as shame, disappointment, poor self worth, dishonesty, unreliability – just to name a few. To think of it as a simple problem with a simple solution is unrealistic. Just stop. Quit. Throw them away. Try harder. It seems just that simplistic, but it is not. It is far more complicated and deceiving.
My heart truly goes out to those who have not been able to take back control of their choices. I feel for those whose bodies are dependent on a substance which could likely kill them. I am empathetic to those who struggle each and every day to overcome an addiction in their lives. And I admire and respect with my whole heart the people who have fought, continue to fight and are able to stay clean from whatever once had them enslaved.
I know I can quit these damn things. I have done it before. But I will have to work at not listening to that little voice in my head which tries to fool me into thinking I can somehow handle them better than I did the last time. “Just one” always leads to that moment of “just one more”…and believe me…THAT is NOT a pleasant day, for anyone.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction – please contact one of these local facilities for help and guidance:
Racine Psychological Services, Inc.
john davidson
4:04 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
There are many that just don’t get it still. The current
antismoking crusade is much like previous crusades. It is a social-engineering,
eradication crusade decided upon in the 1970s by a small, self-installed clique
operating under the auspices of the World Health Organization. This little,
unelected group decided for everyone that tobacco-use should be eradicated from
the world. Secondhand smoke “danger” is a concoction to advance the agenda. The
bulk of what comes out of the Tobacco Control Industry is lies. For those who
still think this is about pubs and just having to step outside for a cigarette,
the current phase of propaganda/denormalization is to introduce bans outdoors
as well. In a number of countries there are already bans on entire hospital
grounds and university campuses, on beaches, and in parks that have nothing to
do with protecting nonsmokers from SHS “danger”. Those who smoke are also being
denied employment, housing, and medical treatment.
See the Godber Blueprint
http://www.rampant-antismoking...
john davidson
4:05 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
There are many that just don’t get it still. The current
antismoking crusade is much like previous crusades. It is a social-engineering,
eradication crusade decided upon in the 1970s by a small, self-installed clique
operating under the auspices of the World Health Organization. This little,
unelected group decided for everyone that tobacco-use should be eradicated from
the world. Secondhand smoke “danger” is a concoction to advance the agenda. The
bulk of what comes out of the Tobacco Control Industry is lies. For those who
still think this is about pubs and just having to step outside for a cigarette,
the current phase of propaganda/denormalization is to introduce bans outdoors
as well. In a number of countries there are already bans on entire hospital
grounds and university campuses, on beaches, and in parks that have nothing to
do with protecting nonsmokers from SHS “danger”. Those who smoke are also being
denied employment, housing, and medical treatment.
Google Godber Blueprint
john davidson
4:06 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
OSHA / NIOSH RESEARCH
In 1991 NIOSH { OSHA' research group} Looked into ETS although at the time they recommended reducing ETS exposure they found the studies lacking.
NIOSH recognizes that these recent epidemiological studies have several shortcomings: lack of objective measures for charachterizing and quantifying exposures,failures to adjust for all confounding variables,potential misclassification of ex-smokers as non-smokers,unavailability of comparison groups that have not been exposed to ETS, and low statistical power.
Research is needed to investigate the following issues:
1. More acurate quantification of the increased risk of lung cancer associated with ETS exposure,including determination of other contributing factors[e.g.,occupational exposures]that may accentuate the risk.
2.Determination of the concentration and distributuion of ETS components in the workplace to help quantify the risk for the U.S. working population.
a.The association of ETS exposure with cancer other than lung cancer
b.The relationship between ETS exposure and cardiovascular disease
c.The relationship between ETS exposure and nonmalignant resporatory diseases such asthma,bronchitis and emphysema, and
the effects of ETS on lung function and respiratory systems
john davidson
4:06 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
c. Possible mechanisms of ETS damage to the cardiovascular system,such as platelet aggravation,increased COHb leading to oxygen depravation,or damage to endothelium
d.Effects of workplace smoking restrictions on the ETS exposure of nonsmokersand ETS-related health effects in nonsmokers
After ten years of no conclusive research and lack of studies that didn't eliminate the bias OSHA decided that the studies did not have substance and here is there present policy.
Environmental Tobacco Smoke (ETS)
Because the organic material in tobacco doesn't burn completely, cigarette smoke contains more than 4,700 chemical compounds. Although OSHA has no regulation that addresses tobacco smoke as a whole, 29 CFR 1910.1000 Air contaminants, limits employee exposure to several of the main chemical components found in tobacco smoke. In normal situations, exposures would not exceed these permissible exposure limits (PELs), and, as a matter of prosecutorial discretion, OSHA will not apply the General Duty Clause to ETS.
Chris Larsen
10:52 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
Heather, as an ex smoker (I smoked for 20 years) I know what you are going through. I could start again today. I still crave it after more then 4 years. And I know that if I had just one, I would be back up to a pack a day in no time. I am still fighting my food battle. I win some and lose some so I know where you are right now. Keep up the fight Heather, you are bigger then the cigarette.
GearHead
11:03 pm on Thursday, June 28, 2012
Do you like smoking? That's not a trick question. Maybe you are better off just dealing with it by enjoying a smoke and end the guilt trip. True, you might not live as long, but either of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow anyway. Just live well with the time you have left. I don't smoke, but just observing your plight.
jukap29
11:48 am on Friday, June 29, 2012
i feel that, i smoke but i'm not addicted because i know i can stop and make it through, i do, i learned the hard lesson my first trans-Pacific flight. gotta train yourself to go 20+ hrs without a smoke and if you can make it a day or so without climbing up walls it's at least a better thing than being a slave to your vice.
I honestly think I'd be less happy without the escape of smoking, even though i know it's bad and all, so are a lot of things in the world and at least this one does give me a moment (albeit fleeting) of bliss.
i just hate when someone tells you you can't do something cuz it's bad for you, you can't tell someone that and expect them to agree if they don't see it the same way.
just be courteous when you do it and people "should" respect your decisions as much as you respect theirs, it's about all you can ask...
Kelly
11:37 am on Friday, June 29, 2012
Heather, Have you checked out good electronic cigarettes? Browse the online forums devoted to them - www.e-cigarette-forum.com is a good one.
They could be the answer for you, they were for me.
jukap29
11:49 am on Friday, June 29, 2012
i'd only say use caution with this because you can overdo the nicotine and end up becoming worse if you aren't careful
jukap29
11:44 am on Friday, June 29, 2012
addiction isn't pleasant, but there's a supporting cast around you it sounds like to help out - i deal with the withdrawls on an almost weekly basis but in the end you feel stronger knowing you can beat it each time...
Quitting's easy, i've done it hundreds of times!
joking, but best of luck, decide what you want for you and then those who love you will learn to accept it or else they're not really worth the hassle
my $.02 on the subject
OrbsCorbs
10:46 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
I suggest that anyone wanting to quit smoking should get all the information they can possibly get on the subject. Talk to people who have quit. Try any method you think might work. Keep trying. If you fail, that's OK, just keep trying. My sister quit using the patch. I quit cold turkey, but there were a dozen failed attempts before I quit for good.
My next door neighbor just started smoking again after a year or so of abstinence. He blames stress. I know how it goes. I'm also an alcoholic. For me, it was easier to stop drinking than to stop smoking, because I had a lot more impetus to sober up; i.e., I would die soon. Smoking always meant dying sometime in the dim future. I applied a lot of the techniques I used in AA to stop smoking. Support helps. That's why I mentioned talking to reformed smokers. They've been there. They know what it's like. I haven't checked lately, but there used to be a smattering of support groups in the Racine area for people trying to quit smoking.