Multi-tasking Ain’t Sexy No More

KAPOWIE!! That’s how fast I was smitten.  And for my money, there is no mightier form of smittenment than good old-fashioned competence. For example, a WE Energies guy recently arrived at my house to check out a possible leak. He was courteous, average looking, short, stocky, and a fellow Boomer.  However, as waves of confidence, information and detector readings trailed him through the house, he grew noticeably taller, younger, and…OMG, is that you, George Clooney?!!

And whilst my smitten brain wrestled with this warped perception, I simultaneously stewed about repair costs, felt my stomach growl for supper, and wondered if I’d actually fed the dog or just imagined it. While men are wired to track, it seems the female is made for multi-tasking.

My ideas about multi-tasking have changed over time. During my earlier years as a waitress, I took pride in mental juggling that would crush me now:  Salads to table five, napkins to the corner booth, drop check at table three, pick up dinners in kitchen, clean up ice on the floor by the soda machine, buy milk and bread on the way home, tell hostess I can handle another table or two, AND kill the son-of-a-bitch who swiped my tray stand.

In many work settings people are hired to multi-task by managing short- and long-term projects. Fine, so far. But when you add all the inevitable and annoying interruptions from three major sources—one’s boss, co-workers and customers—well, that leaves precious little time for meaningful accomplishments, such as feeding the rumor mills or replenishing the barf bags before every staff meeting.

Now, however, I’m exploring new horizons in multi-tasking. How? Instead of raising the proverbial bar, I’m lowering it! While watching TV, I’m seizing the opportunity to also throw in a load of laundry…whew!! That’s exhausting!  Next week my goal is to brew a pot of coffee while making toast. Who would’ve thought this could be so empowering?! With practice, I’ll eventually make coffee while just breathing.

After my recent surgery, I’m thrilled to report being able to breathe, drink coffee, write this column, AND heal my incision! Oh, what a juicy entry this could be on a résumé.

My ultimate goal is to multi-task on a purely cellular level.  While red and white blood corpuscles do their bumper car thing with the platelets, my small intestine can process the sauerkraut burritos I had for lunch. Throw in a case of the hiccups or a blip of flatulence and, holy hippocampuses; we’ll be basking in tasking, big time.