Thoughts On Why People Attempt Suicide

The recent discovery of a young woman who was found dead on the rocks of Lake Michigan has people asking questions.

The main question:

How do people get to the point where they decide to harm themselves?

Although we do not yet know the story of this young woman – and may never know all the details – such a tragic incident is often a startling wake-up call, one that reminds us of the fragility of life and the reality of the hidden loneliness that affects the lives of certain people.

People harm themselves for a variety of reasons. But underneath the complexity of these varied reasons, we can say this:

Ultimately people harm themselves because the call of the dead is stronger than the connections to the living. We might even say that the call of the dead is so alluring they forget that life in this world is such an incredible gift.

Many times, people have made decisions in behavior and communication that isolate themselves from others. When life becomes challenging or overwhelming, there’s literally no one to reach out to.

At other times, people may be surrounded by many caring friends and loving family members but have established the habit of keeping vital information away from others because they don’t want to “worry” or “burden” them. However, this behavior backfires as the person becomes extremely isolated.

If you know someone who’s spoken of harming himself or herself, even briefly, please take their words seriously. Let him or her know that there is help available – doctors, counselors, self-help groups, hotlines, pastors, videos, books, web sites and more – and encourage the person to keep searching until they find what will help them believe in life once again.

Provide support to the hurting person that is both nurturing and firm. Proper support is: “I love you, I care for you. I value you in my life. I encourage you to take care of yourself and your health.” And: “Help is available. Please keep looking until you can find help that feels right for you and helps you love life again.” Refrain from judging, evaluating, blaming, gossiping, asking intrusive questions and taking sides, as these responses are not helpful.

Change the culture in your family or group so that people are able to talk openly about their concerns, struggles, realities and truths. Rather than maintaining the belief that anyone has the obligation to “fix” the other, we can instead agree to offer listening, understanding and encouragement to keep the focus on health and healing.  Keep in mind that this open talking ia not designed to fix or to burden but to establish deeper connections with other people. There is no fixing, just love.

If physical pain or illness is contributing to depression, remember there are many alternatives to supplement and/or sometimes replace traditional Western medications. Many people have found significant pain relief with acupuncture, energy work like Reiki, massage and other non-traditional methods. Proper diet, group support, meditation, yoga and similar activities also can be helpful in calming the spirit, as are guided imagery (www.healingjourneys.com) and hypnosis. These alternatives may take some commitment to seek out and practice – they are not as convenient as taking a pill – but can provide considerable relief in the long run.

People who are depressed should never, ever drink alcohol. Use of alcohol increases depression.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention is one of several good resources by a woman who learned to survive obsessive thoughts of hurting herself with a crisis safely plan, self-help groups and other help.

Family members of people have attempted to harm themselves should make sure they get support for themselves as well. Find ways to talk about and express your thoughts and feelings – especially the ones that are conflicting – so that you do not contaminate the relationship with your beloved person with feelings that are not fully processed or still remain unconscious.

If you find it difficult to talk about your thoughts and feelings, consider journaling – writing them so that they can be externalized. Also, refrain from the belief that you have to control the other person’s healing process – because that can cause increased stress for you and the relationship.